Esther’s family were forced to leave Syria during the war and were resettled to the UK in 2015.
“It’s very difficult to call two places home. I’ve lived half my life in Syria, and half of it in the UK.
Syria used to be very beautiful, in my eyes. Unfortunately there was the war. We never expected it to come to us. It was scary. The day we left Syria was very emotional, you don’t know when you’re going to come back, there was no return journey.
On our journey to the UK, I remember the feeling of excitement. My dad was very stressed on the aeroplane. There were Refugee Council caseworkers holding signs saying “welcome” – there was food. Most importantly there were smiles, in ways that you really needed at that time. The Refugee Council has been vital – it’s beyond vital actually. They have replaced the meaning of family.
We were so shocked by the fall of the regime.
We were so shocked by the fall of the regime. It was very unexpected. I woke up – I saw the news that Assad had gone. I went to Instagram immediately. I was watching all the stories of my friends in Syria.
My friends who are Syrian, who are in Germany, and in the UK, everywhere – everyone had the same reaction – we were calling each other, we were all so happy. I felt my identity had been rebuilt.
"After years of war, we feel there is freedom."
Finally, after years of war, we feel there is freedom. We feel there is some kind of belonging to the country that we did not feel in the past decade or so. It’s a crazy, crazy feeling that I can’t explain. Before, we were so suppressed.
It is so difficult to see some of the images on TV, especially of the people being released from the prisons. It is heartbreaking, devastating. All of my friends have a poster of someone they know who is missing. They still don’t know if they are dead. In every family, there’s been someone who’s been missing, and now we’re just looking for them.
At the moment, it’s a very uncertain time. You can’t be sure about what’s going to happen. If the situation improves, a lot of my friends, some people we know in different countries, they are willing to go back. None of my people chose to be refugees. They really want to rebuild the country they know – the country where we belong.
It’s very unsafe right now in Syria, very dangerous. There’s no government. We’re waiting for a sign of what’s going to happen in the future. We’d like just to be Syrian and that’s it, with no divisions. There are a lot of Christians in Syria. So we hope we will be respected and will be able to live together safely.
You don’t know where you belong most. Syria is my home, but the UK is the place that welcomed me. You love them both, I think equally.”
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