Leaving my country

“It’s been two years and six months that I’m living in this country. I will tell you a story that I’ve spoken about with my therapist. I was in Iraq, in Kurdistan.

In my country there is a graveyard which has no names. Why does it have no names? Because any girl or woman who gets killed as a result of an ‘honour’ based problem, they will be buried in that graveyard by the council, without putting their name on their grave.

Myself, and many other women in a similar situation, were really afraid of being buried in that graveyard. That’s why we’ve run away and taken this difficult journey to come here.

Talking about what has happened is really extremely difficult, talking about the tragedy that I’ve been through in my home country. Being a woman and being an activist in that field, being an artist, a teacher, a mum…

I was lucky to be able to run away.

Even now, in that society, there are women whose lives might be taken, or they might try to kill themselves, to put an end to what they’re experiencing. You could write – not even a whole book – maybe even a whole library about this.

My message is for those in a similar situation. Try your best – as much as possible – to prove them wrong – to prove you are also a woman, with the same rights as any other woman in this world.

The future of my daughters is important. I don’t want them to go through what I went through. I will encourage them to be themselves and do what they’d like to, so nobody tells them that’s an obstacle, that’s shameful, that’s ‘haram’.”

My life the UK asylum system

“I have lived a long time in the hotel, over two years, which was very difficult for us, and bad for the health of my children.

It’s really stressful waiting for the Home Office. Everything is up to them. Unless they call you for an interview, unless they listen to you, you can’t do anything. At the interview I was so stressed, I didn’t even know what answers I’d given to them. I don’t know what decision the Home Office will take. I hope I get the basic right to live in this country, and that my life ends naturally, not having the fear that someone is going to take my life.

When I went to the interview… I blacked out, and became unconscious. It’s really scary to talk about what you’ve experienced.

Coming here and facing the Home Office is really difficult. We’ve been through a lot of stress and anxiety. They’ve planted that fear in our hearts, so it’s really difficult for us to express our suffering. Do not take our stress or frustration as a reason to refuse our applications! We’ve been through terrifying experiences, these limit our ability to express what we’ve experienced.

When I went to the interview, the first interview, before it ended, I blacked out, and became unconscious. It’s really scary to talk about what you’ve experienced. What you say is going to affect the decision they make about your life –  if it’s positive or negative will determine if you can go on living.”

How therapy helped me

“Therapy sessions [with the Refugee Council] were really helpful to me personally. Even in my home country, with my closest friends, I couldn’t express myself the way I did with my therapist. I could express myself completely.

Before therapy, I was always crying, upset, stressed and always feeling anxious. I was not able to sleep properly. Every time I took my daughter to school I’d see [some of my English friends], they saw I wasn’t sleeping, and they helped me come to this therapy. This therapy was really helpful for me.

I can’t say I’m completely healed but at least I’m hopeful now that there are some people listening and understanding my situation, which is a positive thing.

I appreciate your help and that you’re listening to me, trying to help other people in the same situation. I feel I’ve spoken about some of the burden I’m carrying. I feel that means you’re also helping to carry it with me.”

Fatima’s* name and image have been changed to protect her identity.